If you have asked HIM for the date and pull into my driveway honking your horn, you'd better be delivering him a package of cookies, because you're sure not picking anything up around here.
Decent people come to the door for introductions and pleasantries. You may glance at him, briefly, so long as you do not peer at anything below his belt.
I have no real problems with your basic pierced eyebrow, nose, lip, tongue or belly button, honest, but be aware that, with only the most helpful of intentions, I also have a rather large pair of pliers in my toolbox. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my son.
Otherwise, once you have gone out with my darling boy, you will continue to date no one but him until you come to an amicable agreement to separate.
However, in order to ensure that your blouse does not, in fact burst open or fall off during the course of your date with my son, I will take my glue gun and fasten a granny shawl securely in place to your shoulders and collarbones.
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a 'Barrier method' of some kind can kill you. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to be dropped off back to your home or apartment, and the only word I need from you on this subject is: 'early, because I need to read my scriptures and do more homework before I go to sleep.'I have no doubt you are a popular gal, with many opportunities to date other guys.
I have noted that the recent fashions have tended towards piercing various, shall we say, "interesting" body parts. )I have no doubt you are a popular girl, and you may have the entire football team panting after you.If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off my son's body, I will remove them with a wooden spoon.I am aware that it is considered fashionable for girls of your age to wear their blouses so loosely that they appear to be falling off their shoulders or so tightly as to restrict blood flow.Do not trifle with me because I don’t miss when I shoot. When my hot flashes start acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to turn on the pressure hose while I watch you sit in your car impatiently and also when I wait for you to bring my son home.As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight.