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I’m not sure what difference I thought this would make in my life or in how people perceived me, but I was determined to wipe my ass the proper and normal way. Most of the time I don’t even think about the process. If I was sitting there on the john reading something or thinking about what shoes I was going to wear that day, I may forget altogether and start wiping the wrong way again.
I really had to go into the bathroom with a focus and determination I’d never felt necessary before.
While I didn’t really enjoy this movie at all, and wasn’t quite sure if this was James Van Der Beek’s smartest career move, one thing that did stand out to me was when he started to wipe.
He reached back behind himself to wipe from front to back.
It was like I was trying to learn to do everything with my left hand instead of my right, or trying to walk everywhere backwards.
Then I saw a terrible movie called The Rules of Attraction, in which James Van Der Beek has a scene where he’s actually pooping.
There he is, Dawson Leery, in a bathroom stall taking a dump.
Then, once I’d remembered I was going to be wiping differently from now on, I had to figure out the best way to go about it.
Getting my hand back there was only the first part.